Need relationship help

Hey guys, I M31 have serious problems in a relationship with my loved one F30 with whom I’ve been for 7 years. Right now everything is leading to separation due to the fact that there were many misunderstandings between each other

I think it would be best to tell if I may start from the beginning to give you more idea on a relationship and the whole life story relationship itself.,

Well, as I already said we’ve been together for 7 years and the beginning of our relationship didn’t exactly took off from a very good start as it should have been. But before that we knew each other for 2 years and we’ve been as friends or I would more say as a long met acquaintance’s. In 2017 After 2 years of our acquaintance we started dating and it was incredible we understood each other perfectly and we were on the same wave almost in everything. But in three month unfortunate things came. I got diagnosed with crohn’s disease and needed help in immediate assistance. We flew to another city together to get fully diagnosed and after the confirmation at the doctor’s consultation I thought that my life was over and in reality she was the one that pulled me from that pit of dispear and supported and helped me to cross that painfully hard path. I told her that i would understand if she would leave me because it’s too much to handle but she grabbed my face and said i will be with you no matter what. After that reabilitation process came I met with her family and they accepted me as their own. But alas it was not as smooth from my side.

My father was killed back in 2003 so me and mom were living together and basically she raised me alone as she could and she is a good mother but after finding out that her only son developed an autoimmune disease something snapped in her. sometime u may say when something terrible happens mothers may develop this over protective side, so basically thats what happened and my gf and mom could not get along for many years. There were quarrels and terrible scandals and i can’t help but understand that it played pivotal roll in relationships too. (Because my gf has this side in her that she is very vindictive, well she remembers things if to put it more simple) Two years ago we all make up and they actually became a very good friends so there’s partly some good ending in my long story lol.

Three years ago I got a good job and earned a lot of money and we made plans to take out a mortgage for a good apartment, but between all this she wanted to see me active, with some hobbies, instead I just worked and sat playing on the computer with friends. Because of this, there were many misunderstandings, understatements and quarrels, (because as u already know she was worrying about my health too), but at the same time, we had many trips abroad. I spent a lot of money on travel and gifts, luxury lifestyle clothing etc, and it feels like I invested so much in a relationship to make her happy because thats what I thought a men should do, to take care and please your loved one not understanding her real wants and goals. A couple of years ago she wanted us to have a child, but I persuaded her to wait until we moved into our own apartment since it would about to be built very soon, on this we also had an uncompromising misunderstanding since at the moment stage of life, we lived in her parents small apartment and I didn’t want to give birth to a child in a very small apartment where there was barely enough room for two. Six months ago, I lost my job and became very self-absorbed, not understanding what to do, I tried to find a way out of the situation, and during this entire period our relationship only worsened. Now my loved one wants to leave me because she is tired of being afraid and worry and stress and constantly pushing me to do something and, in principle, tired of forcing me to be another person that she would like me to be, so she decided to break up with me. She said that the feelings were gone and the love was gone. We talked and she said that she wanted to start everything from scratch, to find herself in life no matter what difficulties she would go through, and that she wanted to make choices for herself and not always do what others want. I tried to talk to her and explain to her that everything I did and tried was for our future together and our common safety. I tried to make a better life for us without understanding that our goals were different, and that the reason for everything was understatement and miscommunication. She wanted a family, I wanted security and stability for us and our future family. Its like I had that breadwinner goal inside my head that i couldn’t reformat because I wanted her to be proud of me and all I wanted for us to have a better life together because i wanted the best for her so I strived for it. We talked some more and I told her that the last thing I want is to push her away from me and make things worse. That I do not want make things negative and I truly wish for things to get back to normal so that she can see that I am a different person now. I don’t want her to think of me as an egoist who only does what he wants, without caring about the feelings of his loved one. We talked few times and she thinks i am trying to push her back into relationship but All our conversations and my words were not about me doing as I wanted, these were merely my feelings and worry’s about her, since I know that I have the power to do everything to make us happy again and my position only proceeded from there. I told her that it’s not because I don't take her wishes into account. I told her that I always wanted what was best for her and wanted to build a better life for us and it came only with the best intentions. I was focused on financial security while she waited for a more active partner. Previously, I did not realize that I did not take into account her wishes and because of this, wild disagreements appeared in life in general and our connection was collapsing. She felt unheard, unsupported in her aspirations for family, and burdened with constantly pushing us to change. I didn’t try to find mutual understanding with her to find a common point of contact, I was thinking about something else, keeping ONLY in my mind the understanding that I was doing the best for us. I didn’t realize that I was this over absorb know it all man that sometimes can be absolutely uncompromising thinking only about a single goal. I fought through everything in my path for the sake of this better life, not realizing that in doing so I was fatally wounding our relationship. Now I would do everything to show her my revaluation, but I understand how tired she is of everything. Therefore, I do not wish you guys to misunderstand me when I am writing about my conversations with her, because maybe you will think that i pushed her into being with me again. I also talk with her father and told him everything and in reality he is in shock of all of this, because he already thought that we would move to our own place. He knew how I worked hard to make everything better and he see how i love his daughter. He said no matter what he will still consider me as her husband and his son. He said all her words are very infantile because she wants to throw everything away and especially after her words “who knows what life keeps for us maybe u will turn around the corner and will meet your love or go into a grocery store and will meet someone” he said those words were said very boldly and were not poured out wisely like from some Cinderella type Hollywood movie drama lol. He also told me that she will not find someone like me and said that no one will give her the things I give because its a cruel world and he lived enough to know it and by his words I as a person was tested by time. But you know guys i am not a perfect partner not even close, I always worried about her and, out of emotion, did not try to keep a cool head in order to talk to her more deeply about her real needs and about other things. But basically, there have been a lot of positive changes in me, I have changed in many ways, and these changes are due to becoming a better partner than I have ever been obviously, but I can’t help but make an effort, because i can not let my hands down on us, because of this, this ray of purpose and determination still remains in my head to do everything right in a way it should have been done long ago. But I’m not going to force anyone to do anything, all I can do now is to really show it in practice and not by words.

Now I don’t know what to do and what to say in order to get her back. I found a job and, in principle, everything is going well, I changed my character as a person and started taken care of my health. I want to show her that there can be a better life and that she doesn’t have to go through all the difficulties of life alone and start all over from scratch. At the moment I know that I can not push her or impose myself on her I know that I have to show her my changes and that I am truly changed myself as a person. I just don’t know how I can show her my changes more faster so that she could see those true changes in me. And guys, I really hope for your help and advice on how to get my life back. I understand and am aware of all my mistakes, I also understand that we are all human beings and we all make mistakes and its our job to work on them to become better, because without compromise there’s no changes for the better.

TD;LR relationship on a verge of break up due to misunderstanding and miscommunication about each other life goals and plans.