Nobody likes my (F23) boyfriend (M25) and it’s starting to affect my life

Me (F23) and my boyfriend (M25) have been dating a little over a year. We met at my workplace (I know…) and moved in together last July. Because of a financial situation, I had to move in with him even though I didn’t feel quite ready.

Things were good when we first met. I mean the guy is a little strange, but I knew that from the start and appreciated it. We had the same humor and got along and that’s all that mattered to me. I like having someone who is different than me to converse with.

To preface- when my boyfriend is around me, he’s either very shut in playing games or very excited to show me little instagram memes and affection. However, when he began to meet my friends and family, he wouldn’t put ANY effort in. He’d sit in the corner awkwardly silent (often looking pissed) and it would pique everyone’s interest. They either thought we were fighting or he was upset. My friends, family and I played it off at first. Hey, maybe he’s just super introverted, right?

I never believed in love at first sight, so even though we started in a good place- but wasn’t sure if I’d marry him- I thought we would learn, grow together and get better. Instead, our relationship has gone very downhill. Our differences have begun to become unbearable to me. He’s constantly quiet and reserved and it comes off like he’s pissed 24/7. Although he always denies being upset, it’s so hard to relate and talk to him when I’m very extroverted and he’s being extremely quiet and indifferent.

Lately, I have had multiple of my friends express that they think he doesn’t like them (because of the way he acts) and it seems that they don’t want to be around him either. My family has asked me multiple times, “are you sure about this one?” Which is disheartening to me because I value their opinions a lot.

Yesterday was my birthday dinner and my best friend brought a guy she is talking to. Today, she confided in me that her guy was worried my boyfriend was racist because of the way he was acting and not trying to converse. The guy said he tried hard to talk to my boyfriend but he just wouldn’t engage. This really upset me, because my boyfriend is definitely not racist but ALWAYS has this fucking attitude.

Everyone around my life that cares for me is expressing that they aren’t sure about him for me because we are so different and usually I wouldn’t care but it’s starting to change my attitude towards him. I’m so scared to tell him that I don’t have feelings anymore and want to separate because having differences doesn’t feel like a valid reason to break up.

Last month, I tried to tell him that I want to live separately when our lease ends because living alone is something I value and I was practically forced to move in with him due to finances. He cried and said he wouldn’t have anywhere to go if I moved out so I settled it by having different bedrooms in the same house when we move out.

I know where this story ends and the obvious solution is to break up, but I don’t know how to navigate it and I don’t want to hurt him. I know I have to, but I have a huge problem with tense situations like these. I am so avoidant to hurt him that I contemplated moving back home as an excuse to break up with him but I realized that would just ruin everything I have going for me right now.

Any advice would be helpful, I just don’t know how to talk with him about this :(