[Serious] I (33F) want to separate from my husband (38m) and no one else wants me to. Advice?

Round 2, because apparently I didn't have the right username.

TL;DR: Husband doesn't want me to separate after gaslighting me for ten years, and causing a ton of problems in the relationship, and everyone is telling me to forgive him. I want to separate. Advice?

Some things my husband has done, for brevity's sake:

• Hardcore Gaslighting (that ended up getting me assaulted and made me feel insane).
• Early Trust Issues that made sense then, but not now.
• Handing me weapons and asking me to hurt him (long story).
• Being physically aggressive.
• Screaming, shouting at me during TWO pregnancies.
• Lying to me (claimed he'd work on issues that he years later admitted he didn't believe existed).
• Acts alexithymic then denies it (he admits he has always demonized emotive people and hates his own feelings, has never been able to tell when he's mad [called it passionate] or having a panic attack [accused me of wanting to do things I have never said or thought in my life]).
• Dismissive of all my needs, admitted to believing I'd just come around and stop being my own person, and be more like him, because he's "right".
• Blames everyone and everything but himself for his own actions.
• A few months ago, the breaking point, he called cops on me for defending myself when he grabbed me suddenly (I have PTSD, particularly from HIM); he didn't let them talk to me or check on our kids. And because I couldn't give my report and I left a couple marks on him, CPS came and kicked me out of my own home for things I didn't do, and there has been all sorts of intense legal bullcrap I have been losing my mind over, people breathing down my neck, and he has sort of sat idly by just crying about how I'm ruining our family and won't address my intense anguish over the fact he has allowed all of this to happen?? When he could literally say, oh, hey, I was on an adrenaline rush and my wife didn't attack me?? You know, instead of making me appeal with evidence of all the times he's hurt me in the past and possibly making him lose his job?
• He uses an AI chatbot to write letters to me that he instructs it to be "affirming" and "understanding," which he doesn't know I know about.

Now, I don't believe any of this is malicious because he does do a lot as a husband and a dad. He seems to be trying to do...something to fix things, but genuinely seems totally lost. That said, I am obviously dealing with a lot of suspicion, confusion, fear, etc. He claims he doesn't know how to talk to me. I'll say something like, "Go down to the office and amend the report you made about me. I thought you believed in self-sacrifice? Well, practice what you preach for once and take away this nonsense by admitting you didn't know what you were doing." (He told me he didn't "know" he was making a report to the police, or that they'd involve CPS.) And his response is, "Actually, I've thought a lot about it and I think the best thing isn't to sacrifice myself in this scenario." (He puts on this mask of complete serenity that breaks if I mention divorce, separation, or if I won't let him control the conversation.) I confront him with his responses, like, "Fine. But you won't like what I have to do to get myself out of this mess." And he acts hurt like I just insulted him and am not at the very end of my rope. And a few weeks ago he tells me, "I didn't mean it that way." But that's a verbatim quote of what he said. I don't get it?

What is going on? Is this miscommunication? We've been advised to go back to complete basics of communication, but what does that mean and, well, how? I am actually scared of what could happen next (I don't feel like my life is in danger, but my future with a job? Being a mom? Idk, maybe). He has recently started to admit to a lot of things, which I wrote here and there throughout this post, but it is so hard for me to trust him. He has said before that he understood what I am going through and then clearly did not, denied he did not, later admitted he did not. We cannot talk at all without some sort of huge emotional break down. Mostly, it's him not wanting me to leave, and me trying like hell to get him to see how separation will be good for us. He keeps going back to thinking I want to divorce him. I've literally told him I do not want to divorce.

I want to take my kids and I and move states away back with my parents to get away for a while, but my parents are telling me to forgive him, our counselor is telling me to forgive him, my only friend in this area that we literally just moved to is telling me to forgive him. HE is begging me to forgive him. I just can't forgive him for all of this. I know what I need and that's to get away from this...really ignorant?? person and nightmare situation for some breathing space. I just can't find compassion for him in this mental space, and especially not vulnerability. My trust is null. Also, our counselor keeps asking me, "How long can you sustain yourself in this situation?" and I have no idea what she means. Advice?

Also, if this post breaks any rules, please, please tell me so I can rectify it. This post really is just supposed to be about relationship advice. I don't really know what all needs to be included to get quality advice. I've never known, really. I'm really confused.

Thank you.