I cheated and I regret it so much

Hi Reddit,

I am not looking for sympathy or pity, I deserve any abuse which I get. I am in a long-term committed relationship with my fiancé. I got drunk with my good friend (male). I don't know why but we went down on each other. It was for a couple of seconds before I realised how fucked up it was.

I told her the next day and she is broken. We have a life together, which I just obliterated. She doesn't know if she can forgive me yet; I don't know how to fix this other than giving her space and doing the work to get her trust back. I feel messed up, vile and dirty. I have panic attacks all the time and can't sleep. I wish I could turn back time but I can only look forward.

I have decided to give up drinking and seeking therapy; any other advice is appreciated. I love her so much and don't want to lose her.