My boyfriend doesn’t understand the stress of our job

Hi everyone,

I just graduated with my BSN in July and started working as an ICU stepdown nurse in November. I went straight to a 3 year program after high school. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year, and now we’re starting to have some issues because of my new job. He lives 45 mins away from where I live and have a job, so it’s hard for me to drive 45 mins after a 13 hour shift sometimes. He works at a warehouse, and his job is very physically demanding and I don’t ever put him down about that. Basically the other day, I went out with my best friend to a bar, however this bar is an entertainment place with bowling, darts, karaoke, etc. I knew that he was upset at me for something the day before, because he was being distant, stonewalling, etc. I asked him what was the problem and he says, “Yea. I’m a goal oriented guy. And that means a lot to me. Growth. & seeing you not wanting to improve, or meaning it with your actions. Upsets me. And when I tell you things in person or when we have a disagreement, you get upset. So I don’t say anything.” I asked him for examples, because I thought I was progressing fine with my goals. And this what he says. “At the end of the day I want you to be happy. I want you to be your best self. But I don’t want to change you if you know what I me an. Fitness, hygiene, habits. I’m glad you are a nurse now, that’s great. But I don’t want you to go the rest of your life that being your only accomplishment.“ I’m sorry, isn’t becoming a nurse one of the greatest accomplishments someone can make in their life? I literally JUST became a nurse and he’s still trying to push his “goals” on me of being healthier, losing weight, etc. I’ve lost 10lbs in the past month bc I can’t even hardly get a lunch break or drink water at work lmao. When I tried to explain how hard my job is and that I’m trying to figure out my life/work balance right now, he said “you only work 3 days a week, you get 4 days off how is that hard” and told me I was making excuses for not being able to meet goals and victimizing myself. He also tried to say that his friend’s girlfriend (who’s basically his wife) cooks, cleans, etc and he wishes I had more passion for that. I’m sorry but I don’t wanna cook or clean after a 13 hour shift, and I need time to recover. He sees me as lazy, especially when I am playing video games or something to decompress. We’re good now, but I still don’t think he understands how in the wrong he was, and he never really took accountability. It’s funny because his stepmom is a nurse, so I wish he would ask her how hard her job is and smack some sense into him. This is his first long term relationship, it’s my 2nd so I don’t really know what to do to help him understand. It’s hard to tell him he’s in the wrong because he’ll just deny it.

Edit: sorry I forgot to add he got mad at me for going to the “bar” with my best friend without telling him about it because “that’s a place where dudes go to scope out girls” literally nobody talked to us and he’s been there before so idk what was going through his head

Edit 2: Thank you guys for all the supportive comments, I will definitely take some things into consideration for the future. I did have a one on one with him, and surprisingly he agreed with what I said and I actually got him to listen. I may or may not have read him some of your comments to make him realize how disrespectful he has been the past couple weeks, needless to say it worked 😅