Are we just cutting off friends in relationships we don’t like now?

Whew so I have a friend that I’ll call Tee, and they are… an interesting person. Tee is a 31F who is VERY aggressive. One of the first stories she told me was when she stabbed a guy at a bar with a pen cuz he wouldn’t stop hitting on her. I have no clue if it’s true, but after getting to know her, I honestly believe it’s something she’d do, or would have done in her early 20s, if pushed. In the 4 years I’ve known her she hasn’t been pushed remotely close, I just want to make it clear she’s not violent or on the verge of being a criminal, lol.

Tee has been a great friend for a few years. We met in 2021 and were super close when I was single, then my boyfriend moved in and it was both our first time living with a partner. We started having problems, and those problems are being worked out in therapy, but it took a few months to find a therapist, and then more time saving to pay for a few sessions since I’d have insurance and partners insurance is in another state (fuckkkk the US healthcare system, ruining my health and relationships too). So it was a very tedious process during which I tried to lean on Tee and another friend for support. (Didn’t wanna tell ALL my friends about my relationship problems, so I picked 2 friends I thought I could trust)

Well I could NOT lean on Tee. She specifically said “if you get back together I will not support it” and has effectively withdrawn herself from my life despite the active effort I’ve put in to be better all around. I have a birthday present for her that I’ve been asking when I can at least drop it off at her door, it’s been 4 months since her birthday and she hasn’t spoken to me unless it’s in a groupchat, so she certainly has not let me bring her her present.

This is someone who used to call me multiple times a day, someone who offered to help buy me a new MacBook, someone who visited me in the hospital daily when I was in a car wreck. She was a fucking great friend and I will probably never be able to repay all she has done for me, if she even let me try.

However… that comment about support has been weighing on me ever since she said it. I asked our other friend that I leaned on during my relationship problems and was told “we just support your happiness”.

I’m not really confused, cuz I know what’s happening and why she’s withdrawing from me, I guess I just don’t agree with or understand it. She’s withdrawing because I’ve been a negative energy, and she thinks my bf is the problem, but I won’t get rid of bf, so I won’t get rid of the problem, and that I’m sure is incredibly frustrating to her.

Tee refuses to go to therapy. So it makes sense to me that she wouldn’t accept therapy as a step in the right direction, but the bigger issue is that it seems like she has given up on me. I don’t know what to do to prove to her I’m on the right track, it seems like the only action she will accept is me breaking up with my partner so we can go back to how our friendship was before he moved in. Which sucks, because i don’t want to go back to the way it was, and I’m happy with the growth I’m finally showing in the months since we stopped speaking. I feel like all the concerns she has about my relationship with my boyfriend are all the same concerns I have about my relationship with HER. I miss her, but i don’t miss who I was at the height of our friendship.

So I’m left wondering if Tee was ever a real friend or if I got love-bombed and all the things I thought made her a good friend actually make her a manipulative one… i don’t think she had malicious intent when she was being kind to me, but I think her friendship has a price of being her idea of “good enough” which is confusing because of course you don’t have to be friends with anyone you don’t want to be, but damn, no one is perfect and the minute we do something they don’t like it warrants ending the friendship? Life is full of double standards