Quitting after 15 years... half my life...

I've smoked for 15 years half of my life and due to getting a new job I went cold turkey over fear of a drug test ect...

Quick background....Weed has always been my go to, i had a shitty upbringing dad not around and was killed when i was young. We moved around a lot. mom worked 3 jobs so was never around,I raised myself even according to my own mother ...

im not one of those ppl who got paranoid or anxious when high, if anything it took all of that away....numbed it all actually, it was like medication for me... it's helped me cope with depression, suicidal thoughts and feeling alone ....

I've quit cause I got a new job that do random drug tests ..... I know it's for the best ultimately cause i cant keep running and running from myself so I feel as though the job thing was a sign.... atm my relationship is on the rocks and the landlord has given us until December to move out... I'm fighting it but the voices are in my head again and I have no one to turn to really so here I am seeing if anyone out there can help me out....just need some advice some words to help me stay strong.... struggling to sleep...struggling to cope but this Is for the best.......right???