How do I get past the anxiety of being intimate with someone new.

I am struggling with moving forward with the thought of physically being with someone new to the point I am sabotaging my interactions in OLD. Being vulnerable and intimate with someone other than my ex just makes me pull away from any potential connection with someone.

My ex-husband was an amazing, wonderful, attentive lover up until he struggled with ED. This coincided with a diabetes diagnosis which he poorly managed and he wouldn’t seek any medical advice in relation to ED. We only had PIV once in the last 3 years of our marriage. It wasn’t what killed our marriage, there were other more significant issues, but the lack of intimacy didn’t help offset those.

Not only do I feel incredibly anxious about peeling away the layers to be physical with someone new, because let’s face it I’m no spring chicken anymore, I know I am going to be comparing any future lover to my ex-husband, which isn’t fair. I will also be anxious I am also being subject to comparisons. The whole situation just makes me want to give up entirely even though I still have a really strong libido.

I am someone who needs to connect with someone in non-physical ways in order to feel safe enough to be vulnerable physically. Just can’t see it happening again.

Has anyone else been in the same position? How did you successfully navigate being vulnerable again to allow for intimacy with someone new. How do you manage to avoid comparisons?

I am interested in opinions from men and women to gain some perspective.