Was supposed to start a promotion today, probably getting fired entirely

My life feels like it’s crashing down. The anxiety is so high it literally feels like the walls are caving in on me, so I’m laying on the floor as I have been for weeks. Hunched over, trying to self soothe.

In tapering and detox hell. My brain and body are not working. I have so much pressure on me to be okay and get it together, but it’s taking longer than I had hoped. I did a number on myself the last bender, I kinda didn’t have a choice because I was escaping a psycho trying to kill me, but I’m facing the consequences now.

I used PTO that hasn’t been approved yet to take another week to get my shit together but I was supposed to start today. It’s been radio silence from my new boss, my old boss has already replaced my old job and frankly I think this taper is gonna take longer than a week. I’ve gotten down from 25-30 drinks a day on a mostly empty stomach to 10-15 with food, so I’m turning a corner but my body is overwhelmed. My stomach is a NIGHTMARE.

Here I am, sipping and suffering. I want to sleep, but I should probably stay awake, try to complete some tasks and eat but I know it’ll make the anxiety worse. I honestly think I gave myself wet brain, I can’t focus on shit. I just wanna lay here. I hit points where I’m so anxious and afraid of the future I want to rip my hair out and get insane panic attacks about protecting my job, but I literally can barely talk or send an email at this point. Part of me would feel relieved if they cut me loose, but if they do I’m royally screwed even worse while I’m unable to function.

I’m so emotionally out of whack. I’ve hit points like this before and honestly having like a detox buddy helped a lot but no one in my life knows my issue. So I’m just sleepwalking through the days alone, i’m not talking to people because i’m so out of my mind but it’s not helping me. Idk what’s next for me. It feels bleak. I just want some sleep.

Anyway, happy Monday functional folks. Keep eating. Take your supplements. Don’t drink before 5. Don’t end up like me.