I (used to) have a strange “imposter syndrome” with my diagnosis.

I want to start by saying that I’ve been diagnosed since I was 14 (19 now) and I absolutely have bipolar 2. There’s not any actual doubt of me having it.

But I have this odd thing where I am convinced that I can’t REALLY have bipolar. I know I do. And I’m not in denial in the sense that I don’t want to have a serious mental illness. I’ve had symptoms since I was eight. There’s no denying.

I think the issue lies in the fact that my father is bipolar and mine looks nothing like his, making me think maybe mines not the “real deal.” I have way, way more depression than mania which has gotten extremely severe at different points. For a long time the other side of the spectrum for me was very fleeting being infrequent and lasting only a few hours (not uncommon in teens w/ bp). I had a lot of anger but no true mania or even hypomania. This is the area where I became convinced maybe I just had depression and made me question if I was truly bipolar despite the family history and two psychiatrists agreeing on the diagnosis.

Well currently I’m having my first true long lasting hypomanic/manic episode and feels like a slap in the face. I’ve also now had my first true delusions and paranoia and it’s been so odd. It’s made it too real and I feel like my father. The impostor syndrome of having it has faded and I don’t know how to feel. Is this something common to experience? Feeling like you don’t have it “as bad” as other people with bp (despite that being false) and questioning the diagnosis not on the basis of any true fact, but just intrusive like thoughts that “maybe it’s wrong.” Did anyone else have a “oh shit this is real” awakening?

Also I made this account just for this sub since I’ve been worried about people I know finding my posts on here, so I’m hoping to start participating here more. :)