FINALLY !!!

OMG! M/41

I cannot believe it. My depression broke yesterday.

I had a huge manic episode that ended in a 4 month delusional state. This was my first episode and had no idea I had BD. I burnt my life to the ground - again, had no clue and was unaware of my actions. Fought cops, bought a parrot, multiple bar fights, got a large tattoo, got divorced, lost my job among other crazy shit.

When the delusions broke in April, I dove into a very dark depression. The post psychotic recovery was the most difficult time in life. I did not shower for weeks, no energy, suicidal, no joy in anything, brain dead, comatose yada yada. I almost died in 2020 due to my liver going out. Another illness I have. I spent over 2 years bedridden to recover from my physical pain. Even though I almost died, this depression episode is much worse. I now appreciate how critical the brain and mental health is. It has made me a much more empathic soul.

BUT FINALLY, THIS CRUSHING DEPRESSION HAS LIFTED. Now, I'm not sure if it's a good or bad thing. I know I'll have the residual "negative" symptoms but at least this major wave is settling. Only thing I'm thinking about is that it was literally like a switch. I came out of my therapy session and walked outside. I just felt clear. Then driving home, I felt excitement. Just out of the blue. I have not felt excitement in over 10 months. I just feel better - I can concentrate, listen to music, have some joy, etc ... Now, I'm wondering did I just flip to hypo (all this is new to me). Seems like most people in this situation have a more roll out recovery. I went from terrible depression to just gone. It was kind of like when I went into depression. It felt like someone stuck a pin in me and my balloon popped. Now it happened the other way. I just felt a trigger in my body that said this deep depression is over, for now. I know that son of a bitch will come back. Praying next time it's not as deep.