My mother specifically chose to have a special needs child

I guess this is a bit of a vent. But I am one out of 5 children. When my mother first got pregnant she was 17. During my mother’s first pregnancy there were so many issues. Not just for her child but for her too. The doctors had told my mother to abort because my brother would most likely die at child birth or if he lived he would be severely special needs…Well for whatever reason my mom chose to continue with the pregnancy. At the time my mother wasn’t religious or pro choice so idk why she thought to continue and not abort.

Fast forward to my mother giving birth. My brother had many complications. He was stuck in the nicu and hospital for the first year of his life. When he turned about 7, he had a weakened immune system so he got really sick and was hospitalized for around 1 year again. Fast forward to later my brother has severe developmental delays, autism, adhd, and epilepsy. My brother is 30 but has the mental age of I would say a 7 year old. My brother also suffers from seizures due to the epilepsy. My brother can never work a normal job, will need care for the rest of his life, can’t drive, and will never get married. He is on 11+ medications a day. And he is not expected to live that much longer.

As much as I hate to say it. I love my brother but I wish he was never born. I have seen both my mom and dad have mental breakdowns due to his physical and mental care. My parents will never be “empty nesters” because he can’t live on his own. Not to mention the years of bullying he got and we got due to people being mean to him because he’s special needs.

I love my mother but I have so much resentment that she brought someone into this world that she KNEW wouldn’t have a chance. Idk why she didn’t listen to the doctors at all. Idk why my dad didn’t encourage her. My brother suffers everyday due to his condition and this all could have been avoided. The trauma and anxiety that I have now is so hard seeing my brother basically be a shell of a human every day. It’s like he’s just alive. But not actually a person.

I say all this to say that people in this world are really suffering. We should be doing all we can to try and avoid it.