extremely grateful that my wife knew i was trans 8 years before i did

i know a LOT of people end up losing their relationships when they transition. i'm incredibly fortunate.

i (24 mtf) met my wife (24 nb) 8 years ago in 10th grade. when we met they had only ever dated women, for some reason i was the "exception".

i have always preferred to present girly. i had fought my mom (and won 💪🏳️‍⚧️) to keep my long hair, and i generally disliked having any kind of "masculine" aesthetic for myself, but i just thought i was a girly man. my wife mentioned multiple times that they thought i was an egg, but largely due to my own (internalized and otherwise) transphobia it was impossible for me to see it. i didn't know if i wanted a femme chest, i was worried i might hate it, and i couldn't see myself as a woman partly due to my rigid mindset and beliefs.

i do firmly believe that my wife was a repressed lesbian to some degree for most of our relationship. until recently i had always been more attracted to them than they had been to me (which was still a lot, to be clear). we always deeply loved each other and had an extremely strong emotional bond, and we were sexually attracted to each other, but it always felt like there was something getting in the way.

over time, my transphobia (the "i don't agree with them but they should have equal rights" kind of transphobia) slowly disappeared, and i started to feel more and more jealous of trans women (why do they get to be so beautiful?). Age also had been continuously masculinizing my appearance ( especially my poor hair (இ﹏இ`｡) ), over time, and i was struggling to cope with it.

i was pretty sure i wanted to start HRT, at least for ""🥚cis reasons🥚"", but i still wasn't sure if i wanted a chest. i tried on some bra buds to see if i hated it or not...

that was my "well lol. fuck. i really don't know if i'm cis" moment. i didn't hate putting them on, i loved it. i hated taking them off (still do, but it's not as bad now that i have tiny little bumps coming in).

i know now, despite how bad i sometimes wish i was, i'm not cis, and nothing i do will ever make me cis.

a LOT of things make more sense now. a lot of strange feelings and thoughts i couldn't explain, i can now.

it turns out i wasn't an "exception", my wife really has only ever been with women lol.

now that i recognize myself and i'm more comfortable in my own skin they are a lot more attracted to me too, which is nice.

as i read more and more stories of the experiences of trans people, i realize that i might be in the minority with my experience. every single day i am incredibly thankful that i am the luckiest woman on earth to have met them 8 years ago.