Has anyone solved the mystery of getting your husband to understand the invisible load?

I’ve been with my husband 14 years. We have an almost 4 yo with another due in 1 week! Since having our first the resentment from me has increased tenfold around the invisible load and what I perceive as laziness. He resents me because I’m a “nag,” but also is like well tell me how to help you. Ya know, the norm from like 80% of husbands?

We just began couples counseling which he is “doing to appease me,” but I am glad he’s doing it at the very least. Today I left for work and didn’t remind him to do meds for our toddlers ear infection. I left them out on the counter in obvious line of sight, but said you know what, I won’t “nag.” Came home and asked, did you do the meds? Oh no, I forgot. I am desperate to see if anyone has figured this dynamic out of having a good husband (as a relationship) good dad (to your kids), but a useless partner? And can I even label him a good day and husband if he’s useless to me as a parent with all the important shit??