If your ex is dismissive avoidant, let them go right now or be dragged
Run like your life depends on it, because it truly does. i’m being so serious. Once you realize this is your S/O attachment type, you have no more or less than these two scenarios
You will be treated with disrespect & driven to the point of insanity. You will have no other option but to leave because being alone would be less painful than how they treat you.
OR
you will be tossed away like garbage out of the blue after false reassurances & empty promises.
Choose wisely because the time will come unfortunately. This is what they anticipated & ultimately wanted. I know that hurts, but their teeth in your neck hurts more & control is what they need. HOPEFULLY I can stop someone from the years of mental warfare.
If they don’t abandon you, they will sabotage everything about you& the relationship you built together to feel better about themselves. After shutting down privately, they will leave without a discussion or argument. It’s not you it’s them, BUT they picked apart every side of you. You are and always will be too much or not enough. You can not change them at this point. They will shut down every plea, almost in survival mode because they know where they fall short due to their inability to truly be vulnerable. They lack the courage to talk about it. So you’re left wondering what is wrong with me? Any action even ignoring them will push them away more. They don’t have room for remorse or regret, they already filled up their schedule without you before you can even shed a tear. They get a rush and relief from detachment and not relying on you.
To be frank, this is how they leave others and pull people in quickly. You might’ve felt it, but good news is that you’ll never question your gut again. They debated for months and maybe even years if you would put up with their way of destroying people. Maybe they told you that you were too good for them, and deserved better because they know they won’t ever fully be able to connect and reciprocate your unconditional love. They know the pain they’re causing you which is why they desperately want an amicable or complete break. People pleasers but ironically force you to fit them.
They aren’t even capable of letting people in, but they put on a damn good front. You will question your own self at the expense of their unreachable expectations. I pity them. It must be so tiring testing everyone who loves you to see how much they will deal with. Meanwhile, the dismissive will sit and wait on you to slip up during these tests so they can blame you for the reason to leave without any effort or discussion. Cold blooded individuals, that always take advantage. It’s the easy way out utilizing “the grass is always greener” ideal. They plot before breaking up with you and move fast so prepare yourself. I wasn’t.
If you don’t put an end to this behavior yourself they will push & pull you, and eventually bring you to your lowest state. It will have you on your knees begging to be good enough for them after they criticized and wore you to the bone little by little & day by day with snide comments and backhanded remarks. Once they belittle you to nothing, it is their ideal time to sneak up and discard you like you’re garbage. They will make you feel so horrible about who you are so they feel good about losing you or mistreating you to the point of insanity.
It must be so hopeless picking apart every single person you ever love, because you deeply want them to leave & never felt fully comfortable with being loved. They live in a constant state of exacerbation and survival mode knowing they can not see the value in a person, even when they’re gone. They will try everything to push you around and away from them, but they can not ever take away your loving nature.
They have ZERO guilt for leaving you the way they did. They have no remorse for treating romantic and emotionally intertwined partners with such coldness while coming off as the “good one”
THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU. You DO NOT need to change makeup, find a different therapist, cut/dye your hair, take up more hobbies to be less of a burden, find a new job to be more rich, change your music or buy new clothes. You are a vulnerable target that opens up and stand for your respect. Don’t underestimate an ex that will stop at nothing to find the one who complies to their “construction” in order to fit their narrative of a perfect person. they will try to mold you. The reason why DA’s seem to have many sexual partners with no strings starts to make sense. They’re content with that limited connection.
They don’t deserve your warmth that you desperately tried to hold onto. They are nothing but a house with no lights on and nothing but shells of souls that once were people. They deserve people that are the same way they are, but if that’s true, they wouldn’t find anyone who would ever commit so they prey on overt nice and loving people. We don’t want to be with someone who’s always halfway out the door, which is why they confide in easy sexual relationships. Every noticed how dismissive avoidant have a high number of sexual partners but withholds intimacy with you because they have you on a leash? They don’t want to grow closer to you no matter what.
I told my DA ex that I needed closure when he randomly dumped me 2 days before my birthday and the biggest exam of my life. i’ll never, ever forget the way he replied with “closure?” as if he had never heard such a thing.
That secured it for me, despite my begging for truthful feelings two weeks before, he promised me a future trip over seas instead of a gift for graduation and my birthday. He never did so because he never planned on it, just waiting on me to “slip up” No wonder he had the worst wandering eyes. It’s vile how they won’t lift a finger while setting you up for rip tide and then watch you drown.
But it’s their true self, it’s how they treat romantic partners when there’s nothing left for them to gain or when it gets tough, they would never ever treat their friend or family this way surprisingly. I lost 25 pounds not on purpose, my hair started to fall out and break, my skin was breaking out, I started drinking & lashing out of resentment from feeling tricked constantly. I was physically rejecting him and wished I would’ve respected and listened to myself more.